Do not, under any circumstance, ever get jalapeno juice in your eye. Ever.
That happened to me last night and it was literally the most painful thing I've ever done to myself. Worse that any cut while shaving (and there have been thousands of those). Worse than any time I ever fell off my bike (and there were dozens). Even worse then when my brother and I were fighting over a pair of scissors and I lost - which resulted in our neighbor giving me stitches on our kitchen counter (Thanks Doctor John!)
I thought my eye was burning out of my head. I was chopping up a jalapeno for the world's most delicious enchiladas, but clearly my evening had other plans. Y'all. I was hysterically crying and could not help it one bit. It was totally involuntary.
So...if you do happen to ever have the horrible experience of this happening to you, this is what you should do.
1. Call your husband at work. Make him come home immediately. I'm pretty sure all I got out was "I got jalapeno juice in my eye. And it's BURNING." And those 10 minutes it takes him to get home? It'll feel like an hour.
2. Put your entire head under the kitchen/bathroom sink and run cold water over it. Splashing water in your eye does absolutely nothing. You need the constant rush of water over your eye to flush it out. (Side note - the water flushing out the juice/oil will get on other parts of your face and make your other eye burn a little and your lips burn and get red/swollen. It's very attractive).
3. While you're doing all of this, call your mom. She'll google like she's never googled before and find out what to do. Mom's know how to fix everything.
4. Google said to get in a cold shower and let the water run over your face. This is what I did until Brandon got home. So cold. Freezing. But it helped. BUT, it still only helps while the water is running over your face, but at this point, you think that you might not have to have your eyeball removed and get one of those
fancy eye patches like Scott Disick wore.
4. Either pour milk in your eye or use a milk compress and hold it on your eye. The pressure of the milk compress actually helped relieve the pain for me. Milk is your friend. ALWAYS have milk around.
5. After a lot of milk, Brandon put some
Clear Eyes in both of my eyes and that helped immensely. It really helped with the irritation and redness in my eyes.
Your mother and husband are also going to tell you that you're going to have to wear safety goggles while cooking/chopping things from now on. Wouldn't
that be attractive...
We can't all be Kate Middleton.
By some miracle, my eye is pretty much back to normal now. They're still a little irritated, but they're not red or swollen, and I'm not blind. All positives. I also learned that if I ever reeeallly need to be taken care of, my husband is the best and so sweet. He even brought me chocolate cake when he went to the store for more milk and the eye drops.
